Date:  February 1999
Category: S; H & MSR
Rating:  PG
Keywords:  Mulder/Scully Romance

Spoilers:  None.

Archive:  Archive anywhere, as long as you keep my name attached.
Please let me know.

Summary:  Mulder's cat, B.T. (Bad Timing), introduces new Small
Ones in the Mulder family.

Dedication:   This one's for Melissa. Thanks for her help,
support and constant kick in the b**t to remind me I do have to
write about the darn Cat... Thanks to Leah for editing.

Disclaimer: You know, CC, 1013 and so on…not me... yada...yada...

Feedback:  Please, feel free to drop me a line. Nice comments and
even flames will be appreciated. I believe in constructive
criticism and I'm very open to any suggestions.

Comments:  It would help to have read “The Small Cat” I & II,
just so you know how Mulder got a cat and get used to the POV.
You can find
them on my Web Site or request them by email.


*** ***

I haven't seen them. Their kittens. They mate a lot, my Big One
and his female. But there are no sign of kittens. Her belly
hasn't swelled yet.

It is indeed strange. My mom told me once they've mated with you,

you can consider yourself a mommy. You are fairly sure to have
kitties afterwards. The Big female is really different, I guess.

I observe them all day long and they seem happy. Most of the
time. But my Big One is sad and bored when his female is not with

him. And I hate him for it.

I'm not enough. Sure, he likes me. He caresses my fur and throws
me a ball to play with once in a while. But I realize that I do
not make my Big One happy the way she does.

And I am not sure my Big One makes me happy anymore.


*** ***

“She won't bite, Scully. I know she doesn't like you very much
but…please?”

He exits the place where the water runs all the time and I meow
that I'm here and satisfied by his presence. I enjoy him better
when he’s wet. But he barely brushes my back with his paws and
resumes his talking.

“I can't take her with me there! I’m flying. My mom is allergic
to cats. My neighbor is in Florida…Come on, it'll be just for two

days… I promise I'll be *good* to you afterwards…”

His voice is low and throaty so I assume he is talking to his Big

One, through some kind of mysterious device. That's how he
addresses himself to her most of the time. I never understand
what he says but she seems to enjoy it.

“Okay. See you then.”

I jump on his bed, the nest he rarely uses, and look at him hard.

He looks right back at me while he puts on layers of cloth that
cover his almost furless body.

“We're going for a ride.”

I hate that tone. He smiles but does not show teeth and this
isn't good. Usually, he uses this to convince me to do something
I don't want to do. Like the day he made me eat that horrible
food coming from a repugnant, smelly can. It wasn't tasty like
the one flavored of Swimming Ones and peas. It was downright
awful and I was mad at him for a long, long time.

I close my eyes and try to forget I'm about to endure a new
“stinky can” experience. I lie above his cloth on his bed,
imprinting my smell on them. He is quiet and I purr softly,
lulling myself to sleep.

WOW! What was that?

My body was lifted in the air. I was just snatched away from the
warmth of my cocoon by my Big One’s powerful paws. He hugs me to
his chest and goes to the other end of his lair. I can’t see a
thing because my head rests heavily against him but it seems that

we are moving around.

Oh. Oh. We're out now. He has actually NEVER voluntarily taken me

outside before. Because of one unfortunate episode that happened
once. Not my fault if that Small One couldn't resist my cream
colored fur and wanted to mate. My Big One was kind of furious
after that and he never left any window open anymore. There went
my social life.

And now he digs in the cloth to retrieve some gray things that,
I've learned, are used by Big Ones to open their ways anywhere.
Today, they open one huge, shiny piece of cold material.

I've seen those before. Big Ones sit inside of them and move.
Fast. Faster that I did when that Barking One chased me. Brrr. I
still can't get over that.

Anyway, I stir in protest and my Big One puts me down on the soft

fur that covers the inside of the moving object. Truly amazing.
It has see-through panes, much like the windows at home.

My Big One sits on the other side and inserts one of the gray
things in a tiny hole and, suddenly, the whole ensemble shudders
in a terrible roar. Oh! I'm scared now and I jump on my Big One's

lap. One paw brushes me away and he jerks me back where I was.

“Don't be scared, B.T., we're only going to see Scully.”

Sure, whatever you say. But I'm afraid and now we're moving - I
can feel it - but my paws rest and my lowerlegs aren't even
slightly agitated! As I have no idea about where we’re going, I
resume my exploration of the thing. The lights and shadows change

often and I can see trees and bits of sky through the window.
Amazing thing, indeed.


*** ***

“Yeah, thanks, Scully. I don’t know how I could manage without
you.”

“You’d be dead, G-man…”

I wake from a nap, open my eyes and I see her. Yuck. Wait?! He
brought me to her lair? I stir in my Big One’s paws and he lets
me go. The place looks huge, bigger than my home and smells…well,

not so bad.

“See, she already feels at home…”

“I bet ya she’s going to pee in my bedroom and scratch at my
curtains once you’re gone…”

I turn to them just to see my Big One force his mouth on his
mate’s. Great. It’s long, wet and noisy. I’ve learned my lesson.

“MEOW!” and I jump on a big piece of furniture with little
flowers on it. But they don’t smell anything like the ones
outside.

This always works. Each and every time. They break apart and the
female seems alarmed. I can see it in her eyes.

“Told you…”

“B.T., get down.”

My Big One’s voice is harsh and I don’t give a Squeaky One’s ass.

Claw for a claw.

“B.T… be nice.”

I stare at him and dig my claws in the material beneath me.
That’ll teach him.

“Bad Timing Mulder!”

Oops. The female rolls her eyes in a very ungracious manner and
my Big One steps towards me. He picks me up and of course, he
talks to me a lot, like he always does. If only he spoke Small
Cat’s speech, I’ll tell him to dump his ugly mate and keep me
forever. But that is not going to happen anytime soon. Especially

not right now.

“B.T., you’re gonna stay with Scully for two days. I want you to
behave and be nice to her. What am I doing, she’s a cat. Jesus…”

The female laughs softly. She is right behind him. Suddenly, he
shoves me into her paws, against her chest and I’m suppose to
remain there? She seems as startled as I am.

“It’s time you two do some female bonding.”

I’m too paralyzed to even think of moving. He kisses his mate on
the muzzle and goes away.

“I have to catch that flight. I’ll call you.”

“You owe me BIG TIME, Mulder.” She doesn’t sound too happy.

“Yes, well, punish me when I get back, okay?”

“Bye, G-man.”

“G-woman.”

And he’s gone. He’s coming back soon, right? Not like when he
leaves for three days and lets me be fed by this old Big female
One that smells of another Small One. She isn’t mean but she’s
not Him. And then he comes back all scratchy and stinky and he
goes right back to sleep.

“What am I going to do with you?” she says…

Put me down! It worked because she does lower me to the floor.
Hey, maybe she speaks like me?

“Meow, meow, meeeew!!”

“So what is it now, kitty?”

Her puzzled expression confirms my doubts. She has no clue as to
what I’m talking about. Excellent.

“Meow, MEOW!!!”

I jump on a wooden thingie next to the window.

“Meow, meeee, meow!”

“So what?” She comes closer to me as I sit down and stare
outside. Nice, full of trees and Flying Ones. The sun shines.

She pats my head with her paw, and, damn, I like it.

“You’re gonna miss him too? Well, I am. He’ll be back soon. Don’t

you worry, kitty, I’ll take good care of you.”

All I know is that I’m gonna miss my Big One a great deal. But at

least, I know he won’t mate with the female if I’m here to keep
an eye on her!


*** ***

The snooping around the sun-headed Big One’s lair isn’t that
rewarding. It’s so tidy and bright. Annoying.

Plenty of things to scratch and pull at though. But I doubt that
would make my Big One too happy.

The female fed me well. A lot more than my Big One, I have to
give her that. There’s a look on her face that might mean she’s
afraid I would claw her if she stopped pouring the deliciously
smelling mix. Oh, well, not like I’m doing it on purpose, right?

She left today. She came back later, and seemed amazed at me.
True, I didn’t break anything and I peed on the little stones
that are left for me in the ground of the food-storage place.

She rubbed my back and belly in gratitude. Amazing One.


*** ***

Then, the sun was high and it was bright outside again. She left
again. I resumed to my wandering around the place and discovered
that if you push hard enough with your muzzle or you paw, the
small window of the place where the waters always runs, you can
see outside.

I love that.

In fact, you can actually go outside. I remember rather vividly
what happened - or should I say, almost happened - to me last
time I sneaked outside of my Big One’s lair.

Oh, guess what?

I want that to happen again.


*** ***

So her street is way nicer than the ones I previously frequented.

It’s clean and bright and that’s horrible because you can’t smell

food nor see Squeaky Ones. It’s pretty out there but the Flying
Ones are way too silent.

I am so bored…

The fire sun is way above my head.

I wander along numerous pavements and all I can see are Young Big

Ones strolling around, wandering aimlessly. They can be so
clueless sometimes. They walk alone or in pairs and they never
seem to get anywhere. They just walk, and walk.


I find a little square location where the ground smells of wet
leaves and Barking Ones pooh. Once I forget about the horrible
stink, the place is rather nice.

I do some investigating over the ground. See, I must know what’s
going on there.

Leaves, branches and tiny Crawling Ones tickle my muzzle. One
bold black creature with many legs dares to get stuck in my
whiskers. I shake my head hard until I feel woozy and the poor
thing probably flew all the way down the street I came from.

You’d better not mess with me.

In the end, I find a nice flat wood seat where Big Ones usually
sit. I lie there and let sleep come and take me away.

I wish I had kitties. I would share this quietness with them
because I know my Big One wouldn’t take them away from me. It’s
time.


*** ***

Oh, wonderful. Now water is coming from the sky. Heavy.

I run as fast as I can and don’t ask me how but I arrive right in

front of the female One’s block of stone. Where her lair is. I
can smell it. Actually I think I can smell everything with that
never-ending rain.

So now, like the idiot Small Cat I am, I sit in front of the big
passage that leads to her place. All this because the window is
now closed. Well, I’m good at opening things… when they open.

I wait.

Sneeze.

Wait again.

I look up to see a Big One, a strange one of his kind. I can’t
see his muzzle because he holds big, earthy-colored
heavy…whatever, with food in it. Unless my nose is actually dead,

there’s food in there!

He seems awfully awkward, trying to open the entrance and
struggling with the brown things and one extremely ugly huge leaf

Big Ones often use to protect their hairless heads from the rain.

So in an instant, I’m inside. And I’m dry at last.

I activate my hyper-developed sense of smell and, yes, I’m on the

right tracks.

The sniff ends there, in front of a closed wood pane.

So I wait.

*** ***

A nudge in my belly wakes me up.

Meee.

Meeeeee.

The most beautiful sight.

A Small Cat, barely older than I am. I see fur the color of
clouds before rain falls. Deep bright and lustrous and, oh! A
male.

He compliments me about my own fur and the way I smell. Good Cat.

He dances around me.


Then, it’s happening again. I really should be more careful when
I go out.

Before I can even protest - not that I want to - I’m ready to
compete with my Big One and his mate. The Small Cat jumps on my
back, his claws dig in my flanks and…
Mee. Meow.

Meow.

Meeeeeeeeeeee. Meow.


Meow? Where are you going? Meow? MEEEOOW!!!

Come back!

And this idiot flees away.

Back to square one. It was so sudden and so short, I don’t even
think it was mating. I mean, My Big One and his female spend
hours at this. No, definitely not mating.


Later.

“B.T.! How did you get outside?”

I look up a the Big female.

“If Mulder were here… I don’t even want to go there.”

Then she opens and we go in. Soon enough, the place smells  like
food.


*** ***

It is not a long time before my Big One comes to get me and we go

on with our…lives.


Every day, he goes away, then comes back and feeds me. We play,
we sleep. Often, the flame-haired female is with him.

I wasn’t yelled at or punished for my little escapade but I never

got to go outside again. Tough. Squeaky squeak. I miss the
outside.


I feel weirder and weirder as the time passes on. You know, my
tummy is achy and my paws are heavy. I sleep all the time - not
that I wasn’t doing that all the time before anyway - and I eat a

lot. My Big One often looks at me like I’ve grown a second tail
when I finish my third can of Swimming One food.

I am so sick. So my Big One shoved me once again in his large
moving device and we met a lot of Big Ones in a bright, white
place that smells like…some sort of foaming paste Big Ones put on

their teeth.

There, a mean Big One put me on my back and started to play with
my fur, my paws and all. He didn’t play nice. He pressed cold
instruments on my belly and it hurt.

Then I slept.

*** ***

I awoke to the angry voice of my Big One.

“She’s PREGNANT, Scully… Danm it!!”

“She’s a cat, Mulder.”

“Rhetorical question. She’s gonna have babies.”

What are they bickering about, I wonder. I feel so sleepy. And
grouchy. If they keep that up, I am going to have to scratch
somebody.

“A litter, Mulder. Kittens.”

“And who’s fault is that? Uh? You told me she behaved!! How could

you have been this careless?”

“What are you talking about?”

There she frowns. I like when she’s angry at my Big One because
he always seek comfort by rubbing his lower-paws in the fur of my

belly afterwards. Now, I just want the noise to stop. I flicker
my ears.

“The vet said she was impregnated around the time I asked you to
take care of her, Scully. Any idea what could have happened?”

“I…uh…Immaculate Conception?”

“Just plain funny, Scully. No wonder Jerry Seinfeld quit his day
job!”

“Ah, ah. Point is, we’re dealing with living creatures here. What

about the kitties? What are you gonna do with them?”

“I can’t keep more animals here and you know it. And I can barely

raise this little devil there by myself…”

The female comes closer and pets my back. I purr but I don’t like

that kind of attention anymore. I want her paws away from me.

“MEOW.”

“She’s been terrible for some time now. I can’t stand her
meowling all day long…”

Now, I reluctantly, slowly walk to my Big One, only to see their
paws entwined above me. I rub myself against his lower-legs. I
want HIS attention. Then, I withdraw.
I don’t even know what I want anymore and my heavy belly hurts
like a pulled whisker.

Whatever is weighing my tummy, get it out!! I can’t stand it any
longer!!!

“We’ll find a solution when the time comes, okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m not drowning the little ones…”

“We could give them out to some kids?”

“Sure. Poor B.T., how will she understand I had to give away her
babies?”

“She’s just a cat, G-man.”

“But she’s my cat…”

I sleep.

*** ***

AAARRRGH!! Oh, Holy Mommy of all Small Cats, it rips my body in
half!!!

Strange noises and smells and…stuff are coming out of me. My Big
One paces around like a crazed Barking One and so does his
female. Their spin makes me dizzy.

I push and I push and push for what seems to last…you now when
the moon is slim and then round and then slim again? Something
like that.

I can feel them jerking and the weight slowly drains ways from
me.

I’m having kitties. I know it. I can feel it.

Then I see them. Ugly creatures. Their hair is all dirty and wet
and their eyes are closed. They don’t look at all like the Big
One’s kitties, or what I saw of them. They aren’t smooth and
rosy. Great.

Big Ones gravitate around me but I don’t hear them, I only hear
every little sound inside my whole body. I guess they are taking
care of me and my kittens because soon enough, they start nursing

and milking me and…Oh, why does this have to be this painful?

My Big One has water in his eyes.

I count three Tiny Ones, actively sucking on my nipples to feed
their voracious appetite. Yes, I can count. My mom taught me well

before I…got lost.

There is this disgusting, repulsive amount of icky matter that
came out of me. And I have to eat it. I don’t really want to but
some kind of unknown and obscure force pushes me to pinch my
muzzle and dive in.

In my frenzy, I hear odd sounds. I look up at my Big One. His
face is color of the leaves. His mouth hangs open.

And suddenly, I realize THE THING.

I’m a momma.

FIN


*** ***

Any ideas for the kitties?
 





Drop me a line!



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